What is beauty?

Beauty cannot enter my eye
I find mine inside a voice
The mirror of your choice

I close my eyes
And meet the void
There is nothing here

Morpheus approaches
The window is closed
Inside extra blankets
I’ve frozen my toes
No images stick in this burnt out brain
Color and form cannot take shape
The very concept starts to feel strange

Flickers I was starting to see
Aesthetics I didn’t deserve to perceive
Never had the nerve to reach out
so I clung
Every kindness a rung
from which to hang myself

Trying to keep that smile clear
I refused to cave to fear
The sparkles faded
I became jaded
Connection waned and I was left wondering
What is beauty?
Death of personal duty

Spawned lilies in my valley
Lessons urging me to flee
For their beauty I will dally
Words seem to shatter shelter me
Soothe frayed nerves
Loneliness swerves
Ignore an ugly hurt

Messages turn sticky sweet
People I was taught were freaks
I dared not believe
That they were like me

I have nothing left to lose
Nothing to prove
So much to do
I reach out to you
and find
words
charcoal
and dust
sink into the hurt
lessons inert
I now restart
light a new spark

You tell me it’s okay
You tell me I am doing enough
You tell me I am truly loved
Disbelief
Firelight’s edges are rough
Thank you
for turning me back on
the path
I’ll make you proud
I’ll learn to relax

I stay endlessly devoted
to the person I’ll become
Because on another night
when all the stars go dark
Waves of fear will
penetrate my heart
I choose to believe
In a beautiful person
that I will one day be
I hope to turn and see you
standing next to me